The Evolution of Man

 

Evolution of manDespite Darwinian claims that man has evolved from primitive beings to highly sophisticated and intellectual creature, I continue to struggle to see the truth in this claim. Either the men that don our wonderful university have somehow missed this final step in the evolution process, or Darwin is telling porkys!

I have recently had the pleasure of moving in with some lovely lads who instantly made me realise that men are still as primordial as ever. And whilst I have taken pleasure in watching them acclimatise to the reality of cooking, cleaning and attempting to get out of bed prior to the Loose Women gracing the TV, I now feel this overwhelming duty to warn those who are yet to witness the primal effort at existing that comes with living with guys.

Firstly, it became immediately obvious to me that cooking is not something that comes naturally or even unnaturally to boys. Some will refuse to make anything other than a bacon sandwich, others will simply live off cereal and the majority will never progress beyond the one dish they managed to master in the first week. Boys will inevitably struggle with any menial cooking task you ask them; be it stirring gravy, defrosting dessert or even cutting an onion. And ask them to run to the shop of red wine vinegar and you should expect them to spend 10 minutes looking around the alcohol section of Sainsbury’s before returning home empty handed. Watching a typical lad grapple with the kitchen is distinctively similar to watching a dog learning to swim; they will either refuse to go in, sink or just swim really badly.

You must also be aware that despite rumours that men are more entrepreneurial than ever, most university boys will not surface before midday. If men aren’t in bed, then they can generally be found on the sofa/in the gym/at the pub. And should a guy be up at the godforsaken time of ten thirty then they will generally expect some sort of fanfare or sympathy. In all fairness, though, it’s far better if the lads spend much of their time asleep, it saves you from having to watch them complete 10 million objectives on Halo.

Obviously, with such a hectic timetable, you also have to appreciate the boys find very little time for chores. One male friend once told me that ‘you don’t have to clean the shower because the water cleans it every time someone uses it…’ so I wouldn’t have high expectations of cleanliness when cohabiting with the opposite sex. Skid marks in toilets are generally compulsory and often accompanied by lovely brown toilet water, and you can almost always depend on dirty dishes lining the kitchen tops.

So considering we’re living in a generation of meterosexuals, young business enthusiasts and aspiring graduates, it’s fairly hilarious to see that when it comes to men and domesticity, things really haven’t changed in the last millennium or two. Men are just as primitive as they have ever been. The evolution of man is clearly just a myth aimed to trick us women into living with the beasts.

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